Part 2: A New Year’s Resolution for RPGers

Where we last left off I was busy convincing you that building your fellowship would be a worthy goal of the coming decade.

And it is - but as with everything, the consistent execution is the most difficult part of even the best ideas. So here’s how I’m going out building my fellowship in 2020 and I hope my plans help you make yours.

1. Prioritize it. 

I love planners. Luuuuuuv planners. And life is busy. If your life is a bit slammed like mine, or you like to procrastinate - write it down that you’re going to invest some time every week spending time building your fellowship. If you have great friends you need to do a better job keeping in touch… remind yourself to do that (like I sometimes need to). 

1. Out with the new, in with the old. 

 Just beyond your immediate circle of friends is another group of people who you have fallen out of in touch with or haven’t taken the time to get to know but HAVE already connected with. 

One of the best places to find new friends is to reconnect with existing ones. That massive list of Facebook, Instagram or LinkedIn contacts is the perfect place to find someone to get in touch with. That random person you friended at a convention? Reach out to them and say hi. 

1. Have conversations and listen

I know, this isn’t that crazy of an idea, but one of the keys to connecting with people is making it a lot less about you and a lot more about focusing on them. Don’t be interesting. Be interested. 

How to do that? 

• Listen: Ask them to tell you more - and actively listen to the responses. 
• Seek similarity: when they mention something you have in common, point it out. 
• Celebrate: When someone talks about the good things happening in their life, celebrate with them! 

2. Find the people that reciprocate and make it personal 

Friendships are this amazing exchange of energy. Make sure that when you find someone to connect to, they are investing the same kind of interest and engagement with you. 

When you find these individuals, you’ve identified someone to vibe with that can build out your fellowship. It’s Ok to be a little vulnerable with them. You don’t have to go full TMI - but personal discussions that create and build close friendships by helping you understand each other more. 

When you find the individuals who value you as much as you value them, get a little personal. 

3. Start a Group

No, seriously. It’s not just being into tabletop gaming - groups are great. Check this out from the book “Engineering Happiness” 

“Sociologist Ruut Veenhoven and his team have collected happiness data from ninety-one countries, representing two-thirds of the world’s population. He has concluded that Denmark is home to the happiest people in the world, with Switzerland close behind… Interestingly enough, one of the more detailed points of the research found that 92 percent of the people in Denmark are members of some sort of group, ranging from sports to cultural interests. To avoid loneliness, we must seek active social lives, maintain friendships, and enjoy stable relationships.”

The best way to be a part of a group is to start one. Host an evening once or twice a month where you have around five of your closest friends over to catch up. It can be as simple as a taco night. A monthly book discussion. A GAME NIGHT. It doesn’t have to be complicated, it does have to be whatever works. If your friends aren’t into gaming, offer to teach them in a low-key, fun environment. 

Friends bring friends and suddenly it’s not so hard to meet cool new people. And who does everyone have to thank for this? YOU darling.